


The Trip - A Tsukishima Kei x Male Reader Story

by HoshidaYuujin



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Cheating, M/M, MALE READER INSERT, Male Friendship, Male Homosexuality, Originally Posted Elsewhere, Reader-Insert, Regret, Shounen-ai, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 13:56:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16119863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HoshidaYuujin/pseuds/HoshidaYuujin
Summary: (L/N) (M/N) is on a trip. Not with his lover, Tsukishima Kei, but with no one but himself.After finding out that his lover has been cheating on him, he decided to travel and get himself together. On the one hand, Tsukishima ended up regretting what he did.Will he be able to get everything back together? Or will the five-year relationship he had with his (H/C)-haired idiot turn into nothing but a memory of the past?Disclaimer: I do not own Haikyuu!! It belongs to its rightful owners.





	1. A Trip to Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (L/N) (M/N) is on a trip. Not with his lover, Tsukishima Kei, but with no one but himself.
> 
> After finding out that his lover has been cheating on him, he decided to travel and get himself together. On the one hand, Tsukishima ended up regretting what he did.
> 
> Will he be able to get everything back together? Or will the five-year relationship he had with his (H/C)-haired idiot turn into nothing but a memory of the past?

* * *

  _What was the worst thing that you have seen in your entire life?_

_A score of zero on your favourite subject?_

_Your most liked dessert at a nearby cake shop being removed from the menu?_

_Or perhaps, seeing your childhood teddy being torn apart by the claws of time?_

_For me, it was **something else**..._

_How I wished I worked overtime._

* * *

"Nee, Tsukki, where do you wanna go next?"

_Tsukki?_

_Okay, there's something wrong here._

_I'm sure Kei-kun emailed me about him leaving for a business trip to Kyoto. I even confirmed it with Kuroo-san, so why did I hear his oh-so-unique nickname here? At Kabukichou?_

_In my defence, I was just walking straight towards home. It just happens that Kabukichou is en route. So, again..._

**What the hell is my boyfriend doing here at the red-light district in Shinjuku?**

Hearing the earlier voice once more, but this time, getting closer, I decided to conceal myself in the nearest alley. As I positioned myself to observe my surroundings, there.

I saw it.

My  _boyfriend_ , Tsukishima Kei, walking with his childhood friend, Tadashi-kun, the blonde's arm circling around the green-haired man's thin waist, while the other rested his head onto Kei's shoulder. Both were a bit flushed, so I assumed they had a drinking session somewhere down the road.

"Tsukki, where do you wanna go next?" A small hiccup followed. Yamaguchi's fingers running across Tsukishima's broad chest – clothed chest of course.

"How about to that new hotel we saw a couple of days ago?"

_Hotel?? A couple of days ago? What's going on here?_

"That's good," Tadashi slurred, his fingers now creeping towards Kei's bum.

As the two slowly walked pass me, I immediately felt the intimacy between the two, as if not caring if there would be any person around would recognise them.

_It's sickening me..._

They continued on showering each other with affection as they headed to whatever direction that  _new_  hotel they mentioned earlier is, not noticing that I was looking at their backs with tears threatening to burst from my eyes.

_W-What's going on here? D-Don't tell me..._

After that  _shocking_  encounter, I decided to do a little bit of  _investigative_  work. I figured that Kuroo-san would probably side with his old friend/employee, so I decided to do this on my own.  _So much for being my upperclassman at the university._ I used all my free time during and after work to spy on  _my boyfriend_.

And it turns out...

He  _is_  having an affair with Tadashi-kun.

From their so-called  _date_  at the Tokyo Tower, to their  _supposedly_ secret rendezvous at Kabukichou, specifically at that  _new_  hotel they mentioned, every twice to thrice a week, it confirmed what I feared the most.

_What did I do wrong? Did I lack in something?_

_Did Tsukki not need me anymore?_

_I can't take more of this..._

Every time he visited my place, he acted as if he didn't just come from Tadashi-kun's own apartment. Then again, this is  ** _Tsukki_**  we're dealing with. Emotions won't show that easily. But with five years of my life shared with him, not counting our university days, I can tell. Despite his usual fervour when he was with me – letting me sleep on his thighs and licking my cheeks or the corners of my lips every time grains of rice wandered there, I then considered that his actions were all just for show.

_He doesn't love me. Probably, he never did._

_There's Tadashi-kun, after all._

_How can I compete with his childhood friend?_

_Someone whom he knew for a very long time?_

_I can't take it._

_This is just too much._

_It's eating me on the inside._

* * *

"That'll be around 750(Foreign currency), please."

I decided to take a little break from everything.

The next day after Tsukki  _innocently_  visited me at my place, I immediately asked my supervisor at work, Iwaizumi-san, for a five-day vacation outside of Japan. When he asked about the urgency, I said it had something to do with my mental and psychological health and recovery. Let's face it. I wasn't lying on that one.

As I searched the net for remote islands that I can go to at affordable prices, I found one. In a country where the standard of living is relatively lower than that of Japan. In other words, compared to the expenses I'll be shouldering once I travel locally, I'll be saving quite a bit if I go to  _this_  country instead, so I did.

Of course, before I left, I confronted Tsukishima. All my life, I didn't expect I'd do something like that, to be honest.

I told him everything I knew – from his habitual nights with Tadashi-kun up to Kuroo-san's secrecy regarding the matter. As you'd expect, Tsukki didn't bat an eyelash over everything I said. Though, I did receive a faint response from the blond.

'Ah, so you've found out about it, huh. Shouldn't have underestimated you, (M/N).'

Actually, that's the only thing I heard from him. He didn't say anything else after that. He just let me say everything I had to say with his head hanging down. Even after I finished lashing out and turned away, he didn't even move his arm, catch my very own, and wish that I'd forgive him.

He didn't even bother taking a look at my tear-ridden face.

It was pure silence.

_I guess this settles it._

Good thing I asked for a five-day vacation since the travelling time heading there already consumed one day. I left Haneda International Airport at two in the morning and after several connecting flights and a not-so-long van ride, I arrived at the local port to the remote island around 4 in the afternoon.

Oh, how my neck suffered.

As I handed my payment, of course in their currency, they guided me to the small boat that would be taking me to the  _remote_  island. My guides said the people on the floating piece of earth could speak English just like them, so communication won't be much of a hindrance.

Let me clarify. When I said remote, I didn't mean entire lack of people in it or of any, I repeat,  _any_  infrastructure on it. What I simply meant was a simple island where technology and fast-paced urbanisation did not catch up or reach just yet. Somewhere that peace and tranquility can be attained just by watching the clouds, lying on the grass as the cool ocean breeze combed my hair. Remote and uninhabited are completely different.

The moment I set foot on the white sandy beach of the  _remote_  island, I first rented a small cottage where I rested and ate. Yes,  _ate_. I haven't eaten anything besides the provided in-flight meal from the international flight I had, and it was  _at least_  five hours ago. I have to eat something, so I bought something from the shops nearby.

While eating and glancing at the serenity of the sea in front of me, I momentarily forgot why I even went there in the first place. The calm, blue waters washed out from my system the built-up frustrations I had. Its crystal-like clearness was inviting me to swim – and I would have succumbed to it if only I wasn't eating. Maybe later.

The white sandy terrain that surrounded my cottage allured me to eat my purchased meal – fried fish on a stick coupled with one serving of steamed white rice and something the locals add as appetizers. Personally, I found the thing to be quite interesting since I haven't seen anything like it before, so I took a taste.

 _Mmm... tangy_.

As I cleaned my table, returned my banana leaf-covered plate, and washed my hands – yes, I ate with my bare hands; it was accomplishing in some way, I then asked a tour guide if I could hike the mountain that stood tall against the tempting sea.

After joining a batch of fellow tourists, our guide started the tour, us walking behind and/or beside him as he told the story of the island's history, its richness in marine life, its unique landscape – especially the mountains, and the peacefulness that veiled over the remote island.

The way up the mountains was rocky – duh. One small misstep could send us tumbling down, giving us at least a fracture to at most a one-way express ride to Nirvana. Added by the fact that the sun was getting closer to the horizon, the little light that was around us just doubled the danger. Fearing for my life, I had to grip tightly onto the nearby trees as I moved up the path.

As we reached a high portion of one of the three mountains on the island, the light was still bright enough for everyone to see and to be in awe by the scene that welcomed us - the wide sea smashing its waves towards the shore at the opposite side of the island, only to be barred by a line of rocks that accumulated along the waves' path, forming some sort of reef. My eyes noticed the calmness of the waves from the reef to the shore, in contrast to those waves from the open sea. The two other mountains that rose from each side of the cove gave it that secluded yet mesmerising feel.

We continued on our way and arrived at a crossroad – one heading to the top of the mountain we were climbing, and the other to the top of the other mountain adjacent to it. Some moved to the left, others moved to the right, myself included. As we headed to the top of the first mountain, we noticed the contrast in the paths of the two mountains. The second one was grassy along the path and sloped flatly. On our end, the slope was steep and carved rocks formed a staircase to the summit as if mimicking a stairway to Heaven. From where I stood at the bottom of that staircase, the summit shone in marvel, clouds shrouding it with its puffy arms. The dimming sunlight added contrast to the already amazing view of the top. With every careful step, cool air combed my (H/C) locks, drying some sweat that accumulated on my face. Gripping the handle of my backpack firmly, I pushed myself towards the summit of the mountain.

There, I saw it.

The wonderful scene of the main island – its soaring mountains, its green and lush forests, its small town and roads that adorned the landscape, the vivid blue waters around the island, the coast of the remote island filled with several fishing boats, cottages, houses, and playing tourists, and best of all, the wide, vast heavens that painted the sky a calming and awe-inspiring white – and with hints of blue, orange, and black.

Some of the tourists started taking photos of the scenery – I can't blame them. It  _is_  worth the picture. Some took poses along the edge of the cliff, their partners taking shots upon request. Others sat on the big rocks beside the end of the rocky staircase, resting after a few minutes of hiking. It was tiring, so let them rest.

Not minding them, I remembered the one main reason I came to the peak of the mountain.

Placing my backpack beside a nearby boulder, I carefully walked a few paces towards the edge of the cliff, not taking my eyes off the wonderful scenery in front of me.

_I can do this!_

As I reached the edge, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath in with my mouth, my chest expanding from the intake, and slowly released the air. Slowly opening my eyes, I slowly bent forward and raised my arms, both palms placed around my lips, one facing the other.

* * *

"TSUKISHIMA NO BAKA!!"

The other tourists stopped what they were doing, some froze on the spot with their fingers still hovering over the buttons of their cameras, shocked at the sudden scream by the (H/C)-haired lad. They didn't know what to do, considering (M/N) was using a language they weren't familiar with.

"HOW DARE YOU REPLACE ME!? AFTER ALL I'VE DONE TO YOU, AFTER FIVE YEARS OF MY LIFE WITH YOU, WITHOUT EVEN TELLING ME, YOU ALREADY HAD SOMEONE ELSE?! ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME!?"

Apart from the last remark, (Y/N) shifted to English, making the people around him understand his frustrations. Murmurs started to spread, but (M/N) paid it no mind. Instead, he continued.

"I THOUGHT YOU WOULD CONFRONT ME IF I WERE TO DO SOMETHING WRONG! I THOUGHT YOU'D TELL ME IF YOU NEEDED ME! YOU PROMISED! TO THINK YOU WOULD JUST REPLACE ME JUST LIKE THAT... WITHOUT REGARD TO WHAT I FEEL... IT'S JUST.... It's just..."

Tears slowly erupted from the lad's (E/C) orbs and started running down his cheeks.

"It hurts. It hurts so bad... I..." Sniffles prevented (M/N) from finishing his statement. "I..."

"Uhm, sir..." The tour guide couldn't stand to watch one of his clients break down, so he approached (M/N) slowly and softly rubbed the man's back, calming him bit by bit.

"It's okay. That's what love is all about."

(M/N) did not respond.

"In love, you can't always expect a happy ending. If you just let go of a love that gives more sadness and hurt and pure happiness and bliss, you'll realise that it's not the end of the world. Leave what's hurting you behind and attain happiness. I'm sure it would come to you. It surely will."

After a good night's sleep at the island, I finally felt energised, ready to take on the world again – specifically Iwaizumi's barrage of paperwork. Though that said, I still have four days on my vacation, so why not cherish it.

After all, I'm on a remote island where the hassle of my urban life can't reach me. Literally. I'm like... a thousand miles away from Tokyo!

Tour guide-san was right.

I think it's better to let go of something hurtful than to continue on holding it.

I'm really glad I came here.


	2. A Trip to Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While (M/N) traveled to look for himself, Kei, on the other hand, lost himself. 
> 
> This chapter is from Kei's point of view.
> 
> How did he feel before, during, and after the revelation?

* * *

_Honestly._

_Why did I_ not  _control myself?_

_Why did I have to press onward with it?_

_If I just said no back then,_

_Then I won't be feeling this right now._

_It hurts._

_So much._

_It hurts really bad._

* * *

Where should I begin?

It all started when my boss, Kuroo Tetsurou, my childhood friend Yamaguchi Tadashi, and I headed out to this promising location somewhere in Kabukichou. My work is somewhat similar to an advertising consultant and our company's client asked us to go and check the location where they're planning to open up a new boutique. Yamaguchi currently works for our client and was asked by his bosses to come along as their representative. Kuroo, on the other hand, was already on his way home, and since the location was en route to his apartment, he decided to tag along, planning to visit some nightclub once everything was over. If  _ever_  an urge kicked in.

After assessing the site, I talked with the one in charge of the shop together with Yamaguchi. Since Yamaguchi and I knew each other, it was a bit easier to settle the talks, much so since my boss was with us. Settling the transaction with a handshake, the three of us left the area, the attendant bowing to us as we walked away.

You can say that it was already night-time since Kuroo  _was_  about to go home.

It was.

And, to be honest, I really wanted to go back home, too.

And try to annoy that one guy I love the most.

(L/N) (M/N).

But  _no_...

 _The urge_  just  _had_  to kick in.

Against my will, Kuroo dragged us along with him.

* * *

"Nee, Tsukishima-san, you want some more?"

"N-No, I'm g-good," I slurred.

Where am I, you ask?

Did you even read the previous lines?

I'm currently in a nightclub Kuroo-san frequents. Since the girls working here knew my boss already, some of them immediately flocked around him, wrapping both his arms as they rubbed their chests onto him.

Yamaguchi and I, on the other hand, were somewhat less entertained, but still were attended to. Two hostesses sat on both sides of Yamaguchi, pouring into his glass Dom Perignon every time it was emptied. Meanwhile, one blonde girl came to me, hugging my right arm as she talked to me with her eyes directed to mine.

"Nee, Tsukishima-san. Can I call you by your first name?" She asked as she continued to bury my arm into her breasts.

"W-Why?"

"Why, you ask? So that I can  _entertain_  you better," emphasis on the 'entertain' part.

"C-Can you  _not_  entertain me as we are now?" I tried to say it with venom dripping.

_Hope she gets it. Like hell I'd let anyone else besides that (H/C)-haired idiot entertain me that way._

"My, my, Tsukishima-san~" There she goes again, pressing her chest against me. "You're quite the tsundere type, aren't you?" She said as she licked her lower lip.

"W-Who are you calling tsundere?" The hostess started to giggle.

"What's so funny?"

"You really  _are_  the tsundere type." She giggled some more.

_What's wrong with this woman?_

"Tsu-Tsukki..."

Yamaguchi called out from his side of the table. As I directed my eyes to him, it looked like he can barely sit up straight now. He was all wobbly and red all over his face, and his eyes can barely stay open.

_He's wasted._

"Oi. Haven't you drunk enough, Yamaguchi?" Tadashi hiccupped.

"M-Maybe..." He slurred.

 _Oh, he's_ really  _wasted_.

"Come on." I stood up and took his right arm over my shoulders.

"My, my. You're leaving already, Tsukishima-san?" The blonde hostess sounded desperate. To me, that is.

"Yeah," I answered monotonously. "Let's go home, Yamaguchi." I started walking away, with Tadashi draped over my back, not caring about the hostess' whining.

Kuroo was busy talking to his ladies, so chances of him noticing us leaving were very low, so we left the club unhindered.

* * *

"Nee, Tsukki..."

Right now, we're on our way to the train station, so that I can drop off this guy at his apartment before I head to (M/N)'s. Luckily for me, they live in the same district, but Yamaguchi can barely stand on his own two feet. That and he's  _weighing me down_.

"Hm?"

"How are things with you and (L/N)-kun?" I almost lost my footing there.

_This is rare. Yamaguchi's asking about (M/N). Though, technically, I shouldn't be shocked. I met that idiot through Yamaguchi, after all. But, this is his first time directly asking me about us._

_It's the alcohol talking._

"W-We're fine."  _God, I can't immediately answer. It's just so darn embarrassing._

"Don't be shy, Tsukki. You can tell me." I looked at his flushed expression. He's smiling.

 _Oh, he is completely wasted_.

"Uhm..." This is so embarrassing.

"W-We're doing well. He still keeps on hugging me every time he feels like it. Not to mention, he still plays with my hair, treating me like a big dog."  _Why did I just say that?_

"Do you hate that?"

"N-No."  _Can we change the topic, please??_

"It must be nice to be with the one you love." Yamaguchi sounded pensive. "I wish I can do the same."

"Why not?"  _So now he's confessing?_

"I'm scared. I don't think I can get his attention."

_His? Okay.  I'm not one to judge, yet, this is unexpected._

"Why not? Is he married or something?"

"N-Nope. He isn't, but there's this someone whom he likes. I don't think I can stand a chance."

"Uhm. Well..."  _This is becoming a drag._

I haven't experienced something like this, after all. I mean, it was that idiot who approached me and confessed.

I haven't forgotten about it one bit.

He grabbed a hold of my arm during the university's school festival and dragged me towards the marriage booth organised by the Medicine Department. That time, I may have already developed a small liking towards the idiot, but tried to hide it since he didn't look like he swung that way. When he asked me in front of the pretend priest to marry him, of course I was shocked. He had a lot of girl friends around, especially during his lectures, but he didn't drag any of them to this shenanigan. He dragged  _me_. My eyes widened to the size of saucers – metaphorically speaking. I tried to process a sentence but what came out of my mouth were only incomprehensible mumbling.

When I was about to actually say something understandable, he just rushed in. He raised himself to my level and kissed me. Yep, he kissed me. My idiot of a crush just smacked his lips towards mine.

It wasn't a long kiss, it was more like a chaste one. He only stuck his lips to mine and immediately let go, leaving a toothy grin on his face. I believe my face was tomato red after that moment, but his was just as red, or better darker.

_"I like you, Kei. You better like me too, okay?"_

And that's how our relationship started.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand – Yamaguchi's love problem.

I didn't know what to advice. I never had any problem with rivals when it came to (M/N). Many people approached him but he knew what to do – he told them right off the bat that he's taken and is not planning on looking for someone else anytime soon. That, or whenever we're together, he'd pull my arm towards him and give me a French kiss right in front of other people.

Yup, that's how idiotic my (M/N) is.

Still, I wouldn't want him any other way.

Not knowing what to say, I simply uttered the first words that popped right out of my head.

"Then, fight for it. Show this guy that you have what it takes to have him. Show him that he deserves to have you more than he thinks he deserves that one he likes,"  _Great. What the hell did I just say?_

"A-Are you sure?" He looked at me, determination and hope shining in his eyes.  _Why are you looking at me like that?_

"Y-Yeah!"  _Oh, dear._

Without a warning, Yamaguchi turned my head around with his free arm and kissed me.

_What the hell?_

He started sucking my lips while caressing my cheeks. Being drunk, I kind of joined in. I kissed back. I wrapped my arms around his hips like what he did around my neck. I pushed my tongue outwards, asking permission to enter his mouth. He allowed it. Our tongues intertwined as we continued on showering each other with lust. We didn't care if others were around looking at us. We didn't give a damn. All we had in mind was the heat enveloping us and us trying to get rid of it. I pulled his body closer to mine while my mouth was further travelling into his own. His fingers crawled up to the back of my head and pushed it towards him, deepening our kiss further. While on it, we were both rubbing our erections with each other's, the friction building up heat on our lower regions.

After a while, we released each other, a visible string of saliva connecting our abused lips.

"Want to continue this behind doors?" He still had his arms around my neck, clinging onto me like I was something precious.

"Sure."

We approached a love hotel which seemed to have opened just recently and continued on where we left off.

* * *

Few days after, we continued on meeting with each other.

Yamaguchi always came right after work and would ask for an on-the-spot date. Stupid me can't say no for some reason, so I went with him. We went to a lot of places during our days off – Tokyo Tower, Shibuya, even back at Kabukichou where would continue exchanging each other's saliva and semen.

Eventually, it felt like it was part of my life. I'd go to Yamaguchi's flat almost every single day after work. I started to feel cold every time I was with (M/N). As I cuddled or had fun with the (H/C)-haired idiot, it felt like it was missing something. I didn't think of it as something wrong.

In fact, I thought of it as perfectly normal – me going somewhere that could help me  _alleviate_  better.

Then came the day I never expected would happen. (M/N) broke up with me.

Apparently, he was already having doubts on where I was spending my time outside of work and himself. He wasn't like this. He knows how to respect other people's personal space, but I guess I pushed him too far.

When he confronted me, all I was able to say was a faint  _"Ah, so you've found out about it, huh. Shouldn't have underestimated you, (M/N)."_

_I really shouldn't have._

_I took him, his kindness, his affection, his comfort, for nothing._

_During his confession, I wasn't able to look at him in the eyes. I felt so guilty. All the stupidity I did came flashing back in my mind. _I never thought I'd do something like this to (M/N)_._

_When he turned around to leave, I didn't have any strength to catch him and beg for his forgiveness. For all that I did to him, I don't deserve him. I hurt him so much so badly._

_(M/N), I'm sorry. I am_ _so _sorry_._

* * *

_"Excuse me, can I get a hold of Mr. (L/N)?"_

_Two days after the break-up, I went back to work after a day off of self-reflection. Though there I was, sitting in front a lot of paperwork, the urge to finish them didn't even light inside of me. I lost my motivation._

_I contacted Yamaguchi hours after the break-up and broke things off with him. I told him that (M/N) finally caught up on things and broke up with me. I added that I need to be alone and to not be contacted for a while. We knew each other since childhood, so I can't really shove him off of me, so a temporary 'separation' could suffice, I guess._

_The cubicle beside mine is occupied by a former classmate during my years at the university – Haiba Lev. Currently on the phone, he's trying to contact (M/N) who, apparently, was in-charge of a certain project Haiba-san's acting in as representative on behalf of the company._

_"Eh? He's not around?"_

_What? What did he say?_ _I tried to listen to their conversation._

_"He took a sudden vacation, you say? Why is that, Kindaichi-san?" _It seems he's talking to Kindaichi-san, one of (M/N)'s work buddies.__

_"Eh? He didn't say anything? Well, that's something wrong." Haiba-san whined._

_Without a second thought, I went to the half-Russian's cubicle and ripped the phone off his ear, earning a whine from him – something which I didn't give a care._

_"Kindaichi-san! Where did (M/N) go!?" I just had to know._

_"T-Tsu-Tsukishima-san?!" He must have not expected me to talk to him._

_"Where's (M/N)?" I pressed on aggressively._

_"I-I'm sorry, Tsukishima-san. I-I really don't know where h-he is."_

_He's lying._

_I'm certain that he knows._

_(M/N) told me once that he treats Kindaichi-san as a very close friend of his. Whether it be work-related or about his personal life, if ever (M/N) had any problem, he'd ask Kindaichi-san to be his agony aunt. I don't know how the black-haired co-worker feels every time (M/N) asks for his company, but (M/N) also told me once that the taller man was very good at giving advice and smacking some sense right into him._

_When jealousy entered my system back then, (M/N) clarified it._

_"Kindaichi-san knows I have someone already, okay? And he doesn't even swing that way. So, don't even think I'm cheating on you, got that? You are, and will always be, my one scowling, yet somewhat very adorable, puppy."_

_"I know you know where he went, Kindaichi-san," I'm not buying his lie._

_"I-I'm not lying. I r-really don't know where (M/N) is," Lev was trying to snatch back the phone, but all he got is a free palm pushing his face away._

_"P-Please, Kindaichi-san. I have to know where (M/N) is. I-I have something to tell him."_

_I know I shouldn't mix my personal life with work. It's ethics. Still, this is just so overwhelming on my part._

_I just have to know where (M/N) went. I just have to._

_"Tsukishima-san," he stopped stuttering, it seems. "(M/N) took a vacation from work _because of you_. He won't be able to concentrate on things here if he can't clear his mind of what  _you_ did to him," (M/N) must have asked for his advice._

_"He's away from here because he has to think of himself as someone who deserves to be free; who deserves to not be stepped on and be humiliated. And you'd expect me to tell you – the source of his problems – where he is? He asked me to take care of his share of work while he's away. So far, I can handle everything. There's no need to cut his urgent vacation short, Tsukishima-san. He deserves it, after _you_  broke him."_

_Wow._

_I wasn't expecting him to go up front and lecture on me._

_But._

_He's right._

_Because of what I did, because I was too blinded by lust,_

_That all of this happened._

_It's my fault._

_I don't deserve to get him back._

_..._

_..._

_..._

_But still!_

_I have to tell him how wrong I was._

_I have to tell him that I regret the things I did._

_I have to tell him that he didn't deserve to be treated that way._

_I have to see him_

_And_

_Apologise._

_"K-Kindaichi-san," _I can do this._  "P-Please. I have to say sorry to him. I know what I did and I'm really at fault for all of those. I know he didn't deserve to be treated that way. Now, I have to find him and set things right. I have to see him and make him feel important again. That even if he doesn't come back to me anymore," At this point, my voice started to weaken. "he deserves someone who won't do the things I did. He deserves to be loved rightfully and without any reservation."_

_I didn't notice the entire department going silent and paying attention to what I just said. They were all ears, all eyes on me as I poured my heart and soul to the phone attached to my right ear. I didn't notice my face getting wet from the river of tears flowing from my eyes. I didn't care._

_If what I just said would grant me access to wherever (M/N) is, I don't care about what others would think of me._

_"Are you being serious, Tsukishima-san? Now, why would you go all lengths to talk to him if you don't even want to get him back?"_

_"I _want_  to have him back, but if his happiness lies somewhere else," my voice still weakened, "who am I to bar him."_

_Stares of pity and sadness started to mix in the room along with the murmurs coming from my other workmates._

_On the other line, I heard Kindaichi releasing a deep sigh before going silent for a few seconds._

_"Are you seriously going to follow him? Wherever he is right now?"_

_I didn't hesitate. I answered._

_"Yes." Again, he sighed._

_"Don't you ever – and I mean _never_ , tell him that it was me who told you where he is. Got that?"_

 


	3. A Trip to Repent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (M/N) has cried and so has Kei. But, how about Tadashi?
> 
> This time, let's find out what Tadashi feels and felt before and after the incident. 
> 
> Will he prefer love or friendship?

* * *

_Can you blame me?_

_I was in love._

_In fact, I still am._

_The one I fell hard for was already taken._

_Despite that, I still went through with it._

_I touched him._

_I let him touch me._

_I slept with him._

_I let him top me._

_I enjoyed several nights and dates with him._

_We did what we wanted._

_I didn't care._

_I love him._

_If I didn't cross the border, he never would've looked my way, to pay attention to me for once._

_But, now that I did, now that I have done it,_

_It's eating me in the inside._

_Why did I do such thing?_

* * *

I just did something I shouldn't have, something I thought would make me proud of myself. It was truly unheard of, truly unforgivable, truly despicable.

I just slept with my best friend, my best friend who already had a lover.

And the worst part is, I  _enjoyed_ it.

But, now, it's the opposite.

Because of me pushing myself towards Tsukki, he and his lover (M/N) broke up.

 _"Marvelous! They finally broke up,"_  I said to myself at first. What I wanted to happen after all these years has finally come true; all the time I spent crying myself to sleep, all the time I wasted waiting and hoping, they have finally bear results. Excellent results – to me.

However, on the day that they broke up, Tsukki called up to me and shattered my delusions.

* * *

"Y-Yamaguchi?"

I was busy with some paperwork thrown my way by my supervisor, Ukai-san, when a phone inside my drawer rang. It's the policy of the company for employees to reject or deny private calls during working hours. Exception to that rule is if the call pertains to life-threatening situations involving someone within the first-degree of the family lineage of the employee – mother, father, sibling, spouse, or children. To distinguish private calls from emergency ones, I had two phones. The number I gave Tsukki was my emergency one, so that I can contact him anytime, anywhere, with no obstructions.

That is why when I knew that it was my emergency phone which made a sound, I immediately took it from the drawer and excused myself to the break room, swiftly yet carefully striding against the people my way.

As soon as I looked at the caller number, my heart jumped with joy. It  _was_ Tsukki. Giggling with excitement like a teenage girl on a Friday night, quickly, the green button was swiped to the right, my ears waiting to hear the cooing voice of my blonde man. What I was expecting to be a sweet and slightly flirty voice turned inti something else. It sounded off.  _Hollow_.

It was as if he was lost, his voice forlorn. The usual strong yet calming and delicate voice completely replaced by a depressing tone. Worry, I became soon after.

"W-What is it, Tsukki? Is something wrong?"

"I. I."  _There's really something not right here._  I waited patiently for him to speak, though the butterflies in my stomach didn't stop from fluttering around.

"W-We broke up, Yamaguchi. (M/N) b-broke up with me."

_(M-M/N) and Tsukki broke up? No, wait! (M/N) broke up with Tsukki?_

_Excellent!_

_Finally! After years of staying beside him, months of sleeping with him, I can finally have him!_

"I-Isn't that good, right? I mean, we can finally be together, Tsukki."  _I am so happy._

Both my ears were almost connected to the ends of my mouth because of the lengthy grin I had. After all, who wouldn't rejoice upon hearing the good news?

That's what I thought.

"W-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" Tsukki's scream caught me off-guard. Ears ringing from the sudden volume increase prevented me to respond immediately.

"Tsu-Tsukki? Wha-What do you mean? I mean, that's what we've been waiting for, right? We can't officially go out as a couple since you and (M/N) were still considered together by the people around us," I commented.

"What? You and I? A couple? Are you fucking with me?"  _It's not it? He's angry?_

_I don't get it._

"I-I... I love (M/N). I really do. But why did I betray him like that so easily?" His voice was really shattered, broken into millions of pieces that it interests me to reassemble them part by part. However, how he sounded made me unconsciously forbade me to do just that. "W-Why did I sleep with you – for several times, even when I already had him? Why!?"

"B-Because..." I spoke without thinking. "I love you, Tsukki."

"What?" His tone surprised.

"I love you!" It didn't matter to me that I was inside the break room, supposedly answering an emergency call. I didn't give a damn. My emotions just came rushing out like water overflowing from a dam that cracked open. "From when we were still kids until now that we're old enough to have our own families, I still love you, Tsukki! All this time, I waited for you, waited until you look at my way and realise that I'm here for you, through thick and thin, no matter how hard it would be for me."

"Y-Yamaguchi... I–"

"I love you so much, Tsukki! Please... Please..."

Without realising it, salty streams of tears were already flowing down my cheeks, dampening my palm. Was my face getting messy? Are the tears very visible? I didn't bother knowing, and as for my surrounding, never did it cross my mind to check around the room to see if people have already gathered to find out what was going on.

"Please. Accept me. Consider me."

"I-I... I..."  _Tsukki... Please..._

"I'm sorry."

...

_What?_

_I'm sorry?_

_What are you talking about?_

"I'm sorry, Yamaguchi, but I just can't–"

"But why!? Why can't you accept me!? I love you, Tsukki! I love you with all the fibre of my being!  I can surely give you what you want, I know it–"

"Can you ask (M/N) to come back to me, then?"

...

_Eh?_

"Y-Yamaguchi, I'm sorry, but I really love (M/N)."

_This can't be–_

The bullet came down onto me harsh – brutally harsh. Feeling my knees unbuckling in defeat, I found myself dropping onto the cold marble floor, my legs lying flat over the watermarks left behind by my dried-up tears. Breathing became scarce as the emotion continued to overwhelm me.

"T-That's not what you said when you had me in your arms, when you were over me. W-Why?"

"I'm sorry, Yamaguchi," On the other line, Tsukki seemed to have calmed down slightly – his breathing turning back to normal, though still sounding downhearted.

"W-Why?" Using my free fist as a makeshift napkin, I started wiping away tears off my eyes as I tried to gather myself.

"I may have done something I shouldn't have, and I may probably never be with him again, but I know, right then when he broke up with me, that I really love him. I want no one else beside me as I grow old, no one else to see sleeping beside me as I wake up every morning, no one else to annoy for the rest of my days, no one else but (M/N). I'm sorry, Yamaguchi. All those that I said to you, I shouldn't have said them. They weren't for you. They were for (M/N). I'm sure of it."

_This can't be..._

_I really thought Tsukki can be mine once (M/N)'s out of the picture._

_But it just made things worse._

"O-Oi. Yamaguchi. Are you still there?"

"A-A... Mhm. I'm still here."

_I rather wish I wasn't, to be honest._

"I'm so sorry, but... can we not see each other for a while? I'd like to try fixing this problem first," Tsukki begged.

"O-Okay. But..."

_I just can't be apart from you. I know I won't be able to bear with it._

I tried to think of what to say, Tsukki patiently waiting on the other line. "Can we still be friends?"

"Sure." I practically heard a soft smile from the other line.

"O-Okay. See ya."

"See ya," I hesitantly ended the call, my legs still anchored onto the floor. After the call, I broke down like never before – despite the eyes observing me. I didn't care if many of my teammates were watching me. I didn't care if my boss was there – which he was.

The love I thought I can finally have after all this time, after all my waiting, just shut me down entirely.

All parts of me where his fingers touched, his tongue traversed, his eyes laid, hurt all of a sudden. I felt them burning, scorching, discomforting me as the clock hanged on the break room wall ticked.

Minute by minute.

Second by second.

_It hurts._

_It hurts so bad._

* * *

After that call, I had to leave early. I wouldn't be able to do my work correctly anyway if I stayed. Plus, Ukai-san wanted to me calm down first before I return to my duties.

On my way home, I decided to take a breather at a small café. Upon opening the wooden door, the succulent and soothing aroma of freshly grounded coffee beans mixed with hot water welcomed me at the doorstep. Taking some of it in me, I felt my body light up with little energy and as with every step into the nice-smelling shop, my energy levels continued to rise.

"Oh, Yamaguchi-kun! Good afternoon," I was greeted by the top barista of the place, and my former upperclassman, Sugawara Koushi-senpai.

"Good afternoon, Sugawara-senpai," I faked a smile.  _Hope he doesn't see through it._  "Are Sawamura-senpai and Shimizu-senpai still working here?"

"Yep. Kiyoko-chan went out to buy some ingredients that ran out and Daichi's talking with the manager," I responded with a soft 'oh'.

"What'll be your order?" He asked as he raised his fingers towards the register. "I'll have one Mocha Latte, please." I slowly dug out the wallet from my pocket and took out a small bill.

Just as he received the money and registered my order, he quickly gave me back my change, but not without shocking me with what he said next. "It seems you have something on your mind. If you'd like I can give some advice."

_As expected of Suga-senpai. He just read me like an open book._

Having no energy to decline him, I nodded and approached a table for two positioned beside the glass wall. After a few minutes, my order was handed by Suga-senpai himself as he excused himself to sit on the chair across mine.

"Will it be okay?" I asked worriedly.

"It's okay. I said I'll be taking my break," He flashed a reassuring smile.

Honestly, I didn't know where to begin with my story – above everything else, I didn't know if I can tell him about my selfish behaviour and how it ruined my best friend's life. Yet, I was able to tell him casually as if it was a simple talk like the weather outside or the upcoming meeting of the Diet. Suga-senpai attentively paid attention to every word I said – that's how I saw it. He didn't interrupt me as I continued on giving every detail I can about my stupidity.

"So," I put down my drink after taking a small sip. "Right now, I really don't know what to do. I know I did something awful, something beyond tolerable. They finally broke up and I thought it would make me happy – over the clouds even, but it's hurting me."

"It's because you didn't consider that Tsukki was really in love with (M/N)-kun." Ashamed of how I acted, a soft 'yes' was simply uttered towards Suga-senpai who rested his elbows on the table, his chin resting on his palm. "You're hurting because you didn't expect Tsukki to be affected this badly."

"Y-Yes. I thought it would end up well since he and I've been seeing each other for quite some time now. I never thought he was actually still in love with (M/N)."

Suga-senpai kept silent, as if ushering me to continue. "I'm feeling so conflicted right now. I want to make Tsukki happy, yet I want to finally have what I've been waiting for years."

"But let me ask you this," I looked at Suga-senpai who was also staring directly at me, his hazel brown orbs capturing me. "Will it make you happy if Tsukki is happy?"

"I-I believe so. Yes."

"Even if he's happy and you're not beside him?"

I paused and it got me thinking. Will I be able to live with myself to see Tsukki all shattered?

No.

Can I stomach the fact that I just destroyed his own happiness and did nothing about it?

No.

Will I be able to turn a blind eye on this and move on with my life?

Probably not either. But...

Will it be okay for me to sacrifice my own happiness for Tsukki's? Can I say that I'm willing to see Tsukki smile even if it's towards someone else? Will it be enough for me, for myself, to fix this problem that I caused, even if I won't personally be benefiting from it?

...

I think I can work with that.

"Y-Yes. I believe I'll be okay with it. I can't say I'll be happy with it, but to say the least, I'll be contented."

* * *

I had to ask myself. _Can I really do this? Can I really fix this problem that I just created – the problem that may forever scar two previously happy people? Will I be strong enough to face (M/N) directly in the eye and beg for forgiveness, also asking him to come back to Tsukki?_

I don't know.

However, now, here I am. At the same island (M/N) is currently at.

After a few more talks with Suga-senpai and some 'favours' from an old friend, I found where (M/N) went to have his urgent retreat and next thing I knew, I was on my way to Haneda. I don't know if Ukai-san would be mad at me once I get back – or if I still have my job, but I believe I have to do this.

To be honest, I thought I would be having troubles back at the Immigration, but recent developments in the relationships of Japan with the other country made the use of a visa completely unnecessary.

_Lucky me._

I first settled myself in the small house I'd be sleeping in for the night before marching off to the sandy beach in search of Tsukki's love. Luckily the locals were able to speak English, although some words sounded incoherent.

Like I'm one to talk. My English can barely communicate with them, too.

Anyway...

As I walked towards the beach, more people started descending from the newly arrived makeshift boats. Children of various ages ran around the sandy landscape with their parents and other older relatives behind them, on their hands and backs were a lot of bags. I even saw some brought with them tents.

_This place must be really popular._

Clearly forgetting what I was supposed to do, I shook my head rapidly before swiftly advancing to the white sandy beach. Now standing at the sandbars, I scanned my surroundings to look for a familiar (H/C)-haired male, but all I saw where men and women laying on their blankets while sun tanning.

_Why did I think that coming here and looking for (M/N) would be easy?_

I clearly did not expect the influx of tourists. I seriously thought that it would be simple to look for (M/N) in this place. I'm really off. I should have thought these things through.

While walking down the beach, a sudden weight collided with my back that caused me to almost fall over if it wasn't for my quick reflex. Turning around, I saw a young girl lying on the sand who most likely was the one who bumped into me.

"I-I... Are you okay?" I asked her in English.

At first, she just looked at my hand, and then, she spoke, but in a language that I did not understand. Before I could ask her again, someone approached us. A young man not far her age, probably around age 12 or 13.

She spoke to the young girl, most probably in the same language the girl used, and reached out his hand onto the younger one. Accepting the boy's hand, she was lifted up from her fallen state. While she was dusting off the sand on her clothes, I asked once more.

"Are you okay?" This time with a smile.

A simply looked at me, her eyes directly to mine, before tilting them to the side.

_I have a feeling she doesn't understand me._

"Y-Yes. She is," the kid beside her replied for her. "S-Sorry for what my sister did."

_Ah. Siblings._

"T-That's okay!" I frantically waved my hands in front of me in response. "Where are your parents?"

"Uhm... uhm..." The kid avoided to look at me, turning his head towards his younger sister.

"Hm?"

From the side, I noticed the young girl pulling the hem of her brother's shirt. When the brother looked at her, she spoke in their language once more until her brother spoke, now facing towards me.

"I'm so sorry, sir. W-We can't find our parents and my sister really wants to go to the toilet now."

_Eh?_

* * *

In the end, I decided to help them look for their parents and elder sibling. Of course, we did it right after the young girl apparently named Czarina went to the nearest loo. While waiting for his sister to finish, I decided to have a small chat with the older brother. Charles, who introduced himself quite politely, told me that they've been separated from their family members just after they had lunch. It was already almost 5 in the afternoon when I met them and unless we find the mother, father, and elder brother, Charles said they won't be able to do what they were supposed to do there at the island – hike one of the mountains and enjoy the view from its peak. 

After quite some time, Czarina seemed to get tired. Her eyelids started falling, her steps became smaller and smaller, and her yawning came more frequent. Feeling sorry for the girl, I decided to carry her on my back. At first, she was quite hesitant, but was convinced by her brother who even tried to carry her on his own but failed spectacularly.

Right now, with the small girl sleeping on my back, Charles and I are still looking for their parents. After searching near the local homes, we went back to the beach area and looked left and right. While the young boy began asking some nearby people, I was standing beside him with his sister sleeping behind me.

When all of a sudden...

"Charles!"

From behind a group of arriving tourists, a young man taller than Charles came running towards us, his hands flailing in the air to catch our attention.

"Charles!"

However, what caught my attention was something else. More like...

_Someone._

"Charles!"

The young man immediately went down to Charles' level, hugged him, and whispered something in their language. Though I don't think I need to understand it to know that the apparent teenager was talking about how worried he was. After exchanging some words, he started to notice me standing beside the younger boy and pointed to me. Specifically, to the one behind me.

He spoke in what I would assume his lingua franca, most probably the same language Czarina and Charles use, before the younger kid interrupted him.

"Wait, he does not understand it. Speak in English," the younger boy clung onto the helm of the taller one's shirt.

"A-Oh. I-I'm sorry," the taller male scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. "That girl is my younger sister. Can you hand her over?"

"Ah! Sure."

I handed Czarina over to her much older brother carefully, hoping not to wake her up. Now with the younger girl on her brother's arms, three more people appeared beside him – a man whom I'd assume their father, a woman whom I'd assume their mother, and someone else.

(M/N).

_What is he doing with them?_

When I looked at (M/N), it was clear that he did not expect me being here. His face said it all; his eyes dilated while his mouth, it was as open as it can be.

"...ir! Sir!"

"Wah!"

Without knowing it, the woman who approached us was standing in front of my face. After gaining a hold of myself and looking for both Charles and Czarina, I saw they were already with their older brother and supposed father. I brought my attention back to the woman and looked her in the eyes.

"Thank you so much for helping my children!"  _Her English sure is fluent._

The woman grabbed a hold of my hands while still staring directly at me.

"I am so grateful for you helping Charles and Czarina!"

* * *

She was very grateful.

She and her husband immediately flooded me with their thanks, so much that Czarina woke up from her peaceful slumber. Her older brother Carlston also expressed his gratitude with a series of thank-yous at my way. They – the parents and the older sibling, also turned towards (M/N) and thanked him for helping them.

As the family left, they all held hands together and merrily went their way, leaving me there with (M/N). After replying to the wave of goodbyes from the children's mother, (M/N) immediately turned around and went on his way when I suddenly caught him by the arm.

"Wait!"

"What are you doing here, Dashi?" His voice was clearly not as happy as he sounded with the parents.

He's obviously angry.

"We need to talk."

He scoffed at my response. "Talk? What's there to talk about? You and Tsukki are finally together, right? If I only knew that you two were in love with each other before you introduced me to him, this whole mess could have been avoided."

_What?_

"I clearly can't compete with the childhood friend, now can I?"

_What?_

"If Tsukki loves you enough to cheat on me, who am I to go against it? I'm just technically an outsider to the two of you, after all."

_(M/N). What are you saying?_

_Don't tell me..._

_You've got it all wrong..._

"If Tsukki really cared for me, he shouldn't have done what he did in the first place. His action clearly showed I was the only one trying to make our relationship work. I love him, I still do, but if his happiness lies somewhere else, who am I to go against it?"

_B-Bu..._

"But you have it all wrong!"

(M/N) looked at me immediately, eyes fuelled with distrust and defiance piercing its way through my soul. "What did I have wrong, huh, Dashi? A secret date at Tokyo Tower which I want to say we've never done before, I secret rendezvous at Kabukichou which I admit is quite daring yet thrilling, and sharing the bed with each other with actual love involved? I may have only been here for a day, Dashi, but this place really let me relax and consider myself. If Tsukki doesn't love me anymore, I'm fine with it. Even if it would hurt me seeing him holding someone else's hand, I have to accept it. I was just a fad to him and even though it took years, I was apparently destined to be thrown away. He didn't even stop me from leaving."

"And you think he didn't regret that?"

At my remark, (M/N) jerked in subtle shock. Perplexed, (M/N)'s face contorted with confusion, silently urging me to continue.

"He called immediately the moment you two broke up. He was devastated. I honestly thought that when you will be breaking up with him, he'd be ecstatic about it. But he wasn't," I felt my chest tightening, my hand gripping on my shirt, "He even began regretting sleeping with me."

_It hurts._

_It hurts so bad saying these things._

"(M/N)... " little did I know, tears started to run down my cheeks. "Tsukki clearly loves you. So much that when I confessed to him, he simply brushed me aside and obviously hoped that you were still with him. Saying things like 'get (M/N) back for me', do you know how badly it stung me while hearing those words from the guy I dedicated my whole life to?"

(M/N) was standing in front of me, clearly lost for words. However, seeing the corners of his eyes glittering like a river about to flow, I was sure he was listening intently to what I was saying.

"You should've heard what Tsukki was saying to me about him regretting to cheat on you with me."

While I tried to wipe off the tears that rolled down my face, (M/N) was trying to comment but kept on stuttering, words tried to escape from his mouth but all were incoherent.

"B-But... that doesn't explain why you're here."

"Because I personally want to apologise."

"Apologise?"

_Yes, (M/N)._

_That's right._

_That is precisely what I came here for._

"Exactly. I came here to do just that." Taking a step backward, I slowly lowered myself to the sandy floor. With my left leg as support, my right knee dug its way onto the earth with the other knee following right after.

"O-Oi! Dashi! What are you doing?" I had my eyes on my thighs to see (M/N)'s growing frantic state – and also the increasing number of spectators around us both.

I didn't care.

Not letting (M/N)'s panicking voice stop me, I curved my back, my forehead reaching for the floor. With both my hands on each side of my head, I carefully spoke to avoid the sand from entering my mouth.

"(M/N)! I am so sorry for what I did! I am greatly at fault for coming in between you and Tsukki! I was selfish and did not respect the wellbeing of either yours of Tsukki's! I barged in your relationship and jumped on Tsukki even when he already has you. I thought of no one but myself and ruined your relationship! I am sorry, (M/N)!"

People were already gathering around us, whispering with one another. Sounds of cameras shuttering accompanied every voice, but it did not stop me.

_I deserve to be in this state. Humiliated and embarrassed._

"D-Dashi! Stand up, would you!" With a worried voice, (M/N) approached my prostrated form and tried to pull me up, his arms wrapped over one of my own.

"(M/N)! I apologize for my behaviour that caused you so much hurt! I can't call myself your friend after what I have done, so I accept whatever punishment you give me!"

We were both speaking in Japanese, so chances are, the people around us did not entirely understand us, but the actions were enough to speak for what was happening.

A man kowtowing in front of another for the unforgivable mistakes he's done.

"All right! All right! Dashi! Stand up already! People are gathering around us!" (M/N) kept on trying to pull my arm.

"I will accept whatever punishment you give me, (M/N)!"

"Can we do that later?"

"I don't deserve your kindness, (M/N)! You have to punish me here, right now."

_Whatever comeuppance (M/N) gives me, I have to accept it._

_What I did was clearly not worth forgiving._

"Gah!" Hearing a quick thud, I faced in front, seeing (M/N)'s kneeling form in front of me. Hauling me forcibly to his level by pulling both my arms up, he looked at me straight into the eyes, his watering (E/C) eyes.

With his hands holding tightly onto my shoulders, he spoke softly but clearly. "Listen. I never said I hated you for whatever had happened. Who I hate is myself. I wasn't able to completely pay attention to Tsukki and to whatever he needed. I became too loose, too confident that I did not notice what was happening around me."

What he did next was unexpected.

He gently hugged me. In front of the spectators, he really  **hugged** me, the guy who ruined his love life.

"All's fair in love and war, right? You love him enough to do that. That's okay. I accept it. I should've been more observant and showered Tsukki with more attention that what I did."

"But he still loves you, you know?"

"That's..." He released himself from the hug and distanced himself from me, but still clinging onto my shoulders. "for another topic. What we are discussing right now is what you just did. Coming all the way here to simply submit yourself to punishment, Dashi. You are quite a masochist, aren't you?" He giggled softly.

"H-Hey! I'm being serious here, you know!"

_What is wrong with him?_

"Just in case it wasn't clear, I flew a thousand miles, rode a tedious van ride, and crossed the ocean using a makeshift passenger boat, to apologise to someone whose life I clearly ruined. I accept whatever punishment you give me for what my actions did you and I won't be expecting you to forgive me anytime soon. Maybe, not at all."

With my eyes avoiding (M/N), I simply heard him sigh, not seeing his reaction.

_I think I have brace myself now._

"Yamaguchi Tadashi. Look at me." The voice was firm and strong yet gentle.

As I looked at (M/N) again, he was not what I expected him to be reacting. His eyes half-open, his lips forming a small, upward curve, and his head slowly titled to the right.

_H-He's smiling?_

"If you really want to be punished, then I have a punishment for you."

I swallowed my saliva.

(M/N) slowly stood up, his eyes not leaving mine. Quickly pointing a finger towards me, he quickly swiped it across the air, the finger now targeting at the mountains at the island.

"You are coming with me to those mountains and watch the view of the island from its peak. Also, you are going to accompany me in enjoying the rest of my vacation and will be coming back with me to Japan after a few days."

_W-What?_

"Don't you worry about Ukai-nii. I'll talk to him myself. What's the point of being his relative if I don't use that privilege?"

(M/N) offered his other hand to me, waiting for me to take it.

"Let's go. Don't worry, I won't push you off the cliff. Nor drown you while we're swimming. The load of paperwork you'll be facing once you get back to Tokyo will be punishment enough."

_(M-M/N)..._

As I took his hand, he slowly pulled me up and headed straight towards the island with me following behind him.

After that incident, (M/N) and I did enjoy ourselves for the next two days. Swimming at the clear, blue ocean, threading up the rocky mountain towards what the locals call the "Cliff of Self-redemption", and eating the rich marine food the island offered us.

I did not really expect what (M/N) did. Normally, when someone destroys a relationship, they would be rained down with sticks, stones, and verbal abuse, but (M/N) did not do that. Instead, he smiled. Even with the person who tried to take away his love from him, he just smiled and let himself be happy.

I don't know why (M/N) even forgave me for what I did, but this is maybe why Tsukki loves (M/N) so much.

He's very open-minded and kind. Though a bit unpredictable, but still accepting and forgiving – even towards me.

_(M/N)..._

_I know I don't deserve the kindness you just gave me,_

_But if I told you that, you'd probably keep on pestering me until I accept it._

_That's why..._

_I'll receive them with open arms and with an open mind._

_To not come in between you two ever again._

_Sure, I do still love Tsukki._

_But, if he's with you,_

_I can now say_

_I won't mind._

_I'll be happy for the both of you_

_And I hope_

_As things stand,_

_That you two get back together._

_..._

_I hope Tsukki tries to get you back._

 


	4. A Trip to Unite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The vacation is now over. (M/N), along with Tadashi, will now return to Japan. 
> 
> Is there something afoot? Or it's going to be a simple end for this journey?

* * *

_(M/N)..._

_Please..._

_Forgive me._

* * *

"Dashi, you have everything with you now?"

"All I need left is a bottled water, (M/N)."

"I some quite a few in my bag. Just get some if you like. I'll say goodbye to the homeowners, first."

As (M/N) turned around and returned inside to where he stayed for the duration of the vacation, I squatted down to the (F/C) travel bag placed beside mine and took a bottle of mineral water.

If one would visit this island, there are a few options for the accommodation – and booking a hotel room is not one of them. It's either you book a cottage overnight or you can set up your own tent on the sandy beaches at no cost whatsoever. But, there's a third option – homestay. Locals would share their home to tourists for a price per night and depending on the size of the house, they could accommodate at most three people per household.

Considering (M/N) did not bring a tent with him, and the cost of renting a cottage for more than two nights was ridiculously expensive compared to the homestay option, he opted for the third choice. On the other hand, I did not expect the lack of hotels in the area, so after our small hiking on my first day, (M/N) arranged for me stay in the house in front of where he was staying – for convenience. His English was way better than mine, so I didn't really interrupt in the arrangements. But he did ask me questions here and there about my own comfort.

After (M/N) said his farewell to his hosts, with even the children of the family waving their hands to their leaving guest, (M/N) and I headed to the beach where our boat was expected to be on standby.

"We'll be arriving at Haneda sometime in the evening." (M/N) spoke out of the blue.

"I haven't yet thanked you for booking me a flight, (M/N)," I replied gratefully.

"You're lucky there are still open seats on the same flight as mine," he cooed.

"Didn't really think things through when coming here, to be honest,"  _God, I feel embarrassed._

"It was quite obvious, frankly speaking," The giggle he gave me made me pout at him.

We continued on our lively chat until we were called to board on our transport. Then, our trip back to Japan officially came to a beginning.

* * *

_"You can't just apply for a leave and expect it to take effect overnight, Kei."_

_"Please, Kuroo-san. I need to go to see (M/N)."_

_"Mixing personal life with work is not the way things go in this office and you should know that by now, Kei. I suggest you wait for your day-off in a few days and settle your issue then."_

_"Kuroo-sa–"_

_"That is the end of this matter. Either push on this request and lose your job, or stand down and return to your desk. It's your option."_

_It's been two days since I requested for that leave, but Kuroo-san just do not understand the urgency of me meeting with (M/N). I want to make up with him but how can I if I can't leave this place?_

Right now, I am trapped within the walls of the corporate entity I am working for. The complete incapability to temporarily leave and fly to where (M/N) went is clearly taking a toll on me. Mountains of paperwork here, piles of documents to check there, the files are raining down on me non-stop, and the idea of one of the clients to meet up with the Members of the Board for a conference which would need me to prepare a report for my superiors to have a counter-argument with is obviously not helping my situation.

_Fuck this. I can't work well._

It was yesterday when Yaku-san asked me to prepare the paperwork for tomorrow's meeting but I just can't piece everything together. Normally, I can do this in less than 48 hours with sleep included, but it's almost six o'clock and I have barely reached 50% of the entire thing and my eyelids are threatening to shut. With my mind preoccupied with (M/N), I just seem to be in complete disarray.

With my laptop taunting me with its complete lack of words on the screen, I began scratching my head in anger. While on the other side of my cubicle, Lev was not as stressed as I was. In fact, he was rather excited.

_Wait._

_Excited?_

_If I'm correct, this hyperactive airhead has a presentation to do due two days after tomorrow and knowing how he works, he'll barely get it done on time. If that's the case, what is he so happy about?_

"Are you serious, Kindaichi-san? (M/N)'s back tomorrow?"

_W-What?_

_Come again?_

"Finally! He's the only partner I've had with your company, aside from you, that completely understands how I try to do my part!" The half-Russian then started laughing boisterously.

_(M-M/N)'s coming back?_

"What'd you say, Kindaichi-san? His plane will be arriving at Haneda around 8? Well, I don't think he'd be able to work right ahead since he just came back from his vacation so I think I'll just contact him tomorrow."

_This is it!_

With my mind suddenly cleared up from the doubtful clouds that darkened it, my fingers reached for the keyboard and started making words pop up on the laptop screen. As if on a sugar rush, ideas came flooding in my mind, detail after detail, concept after concept.

_I have to finish this even before 7.30. By then, I'll just have enough time to ride my way to Haneda._

_Once I get there, the flight would have arrived just in time. I'll head straight to the Arrival Area and look for (M/N)._

_That's it._

_That's why I have to finish this._

* * *

_Jeez. The way he types is quite obnoxious when he's in a rush..._

_"Hey, Haiba-san."_

_Oops. Kindaichi-san's still on the other line._

_"Did Tsukishima-san hear you?"_

In a very low, almost whisper-like, tone, I replied. "Yes, he clearly did. He's got his hands on the keyboard now like his life depends on it. It's awfully noisy, to be honest."

_"Too bad Kuroo-san did not allow him to leave,"_  Kindaichi-san was clearly sympathetic for my workmate. And so am I.

"Yeah. You should have seen how he just barged his way into Kuroo-senpai's office that day. It was intense," I still had to reply very softly so that the other cubicles wouldn't hear me.

_"Well, I'll be able to hear whatever would happen from (M/N) tomorrow once he gets back here,"_ Kindaichi-san sounded satisfied.

"I hope it all goes well for them."

_"Agreed. Well, before I officially return this deal back to (M/N), how about we meet at the same place and talk about this? Say around 6.45?"_

"Sure thing. I'll inform Kuroo-senpai first.

* * *

_It's nice to be back here at Tokyo._

After arriving at Haneda Airport and retrieving our bags from the conveyor belt, I immediately had the urge to go to the toilet and I did, leaving (M/N) together with my luggage after excusing myself.

Pulling a sheet of napkin from the nearby dispenser, I wiped my hands dry before throwing the damp object at the waste can beside the sink and heading back to the Arrival Area lobby. The moment I got out of the men's room, (M/N) was already standing between our bags, his hand on his (F/C) phone.

"(M-M/N)? What's wrong? You look pale. You need to go the toilet as well?"

The guy in question immediately flailed his hands in front of him, his phone still held. "N-No, no, no! I'm fine," he then laughed nervously while trying to avoid my gaze.

"Really? You haven't gone to the toilet since we were at the other airport."

"I-I went at the airplane when you were comfortably sleeping," (M/N) smiled, albeit somewhat strained.

"Really? Okay, then." I didn't want to pry any deeper, so I hunched down to my travelling bag, pulled the metal handle up, and walked it a few paces away from (M/N). He followed suit and we immediately went our way out.

"You'll be immediately heading back to work tomorrow, (M/N)?"

"Huh? Ah! Yeah. I'll be back at the office tomorrow. I left Kindaichi-san to deal with my transactions and I feel bad doing it."

"In that case, did you buy something for him?"

"Y-Yes!" The guy halted on his feet as he brought his rucksack in front of him, digging into it.

After a few seconds, he fished out a blue plastic bag containing some knick-knacks.

"I also bought one for you! Here you go!"

It is a mini woodcarving of a palm tree, complete with accurate colouring, with an orange, capital "T" plastered onto the body of the tree. Most likely, it's a key chain he bought on the island.

"T-Thanks, (M/N)."

"I hope Kindaichi-san would be okay with this, though."

"It's actually nice, considering it's a souvenir and all," I raised it to eye level inspected it as it swung freely from my fingertips. "I like the T"

"Is that sarcasm?"

"N-No! It's not! Come on, (M/N)!"

Once the stink eye thrown at me dissipated, both (M/N) and I continued on our way. But before I was able to take a few more steps towards the gate, a sudden ringtone caught my attention.

It was coming from behind me. It was coming from (M/N). With one hand reaching inside his pocket, my companion answered the call and paced away from me as I remained standing in the same place. After a few minutes, (M/N) came back with the phone still on his ear.

"Dashi. Follow me. Quick!"

_Eh?_

* * *

"Thanks for picking us up, Ukai-nii."

"Don't mention it, kid."

When (M/N) returned while still on the phone, it turned out that the person on the other line was my boss and his relative, Ukai-san. And along the way, (M/N) told me that he wanted to hit to birds with one stone – he wanted to talk to his distant family member about my absence and to have a ride home. For some reason, Ukai-san wasn't able to say no, so here we are.

"I understand the situation, (M/N), so, Yamaguchi!"

The man behind the wheel, while looking at the road ahead, called for my attention. As I looked at the rear-view mirror, it didn't seem that my boss was angry. He was looking like what he said.

"I'll help you with the HR. Just go back to the office like you would normally do tomorrow. Is that clear?"

"Y-Yes, Ukai-san!"

"You did bring snacks for the team, did you?"

"O-Of course, I did!"

_If it wasn't for (M/N) reminding me back at the other airport, I would have forgotten. He doesn't need to know that._

(M/N) was sitting in the passenger seat, next to his own cousin, while I solely occupied the back of the car. It was already dark while the three of us traversed the busy road to central Tokyo. While I looked at the fading view beyond my window, the two relatives continued talking.

"That reminds me, (M/N). My grandfather called me and said that the Ukai family will be having a reunion next month."

"I have a lot of questions for that. One, what's the occasion for? Second, you do know I'm not really an Ukai, right? Although we're relatives in a way, we are one because of my aunt's marriage into your clan. I'm an immediate stranger."

"But Ojii-san personally requested to ask me to invite you. It seems that he really enjoys you, (M/N)."

"Hands off the hair, nii-san! And get back on the road!"

It didn't take long after Ukai-san returned his right hand on the steering wheel when we had to stop the car in traffic. It took a few minutes for a man in uniform to knock at the window beside the driver's seat to inform us of why the traffic came to a standstill.

"We're very sorry, but there was a car accident up ahead. Please wait for a few minutes while we try to return the flow of traffic to normal."

"Thanks, officer," Ukai-san said as the law enforcer bowed at the response and headed to the car behind us.

"Accident, eh? I'll check on it, Ukai-nii. I want to see the impact."

"You and your curiosity instincts. Fine. But as soon as the cars up ahead start to move, walk to the side of the road where I'll be fetching you. Got that?"

"Yes, Nii! How about you, Dashi?" (M/N) turned around from his seat and looked at me.

"I think I'll stay here. I'm still a bit tired from the flight."

"Oh, well. More for me."

And off he went.

* * *

The (H/C)-haired male threaded carefully along the queue of cars. Passengers from other cars may have thought of the same idea as he did as they as well went out of their vehicles and formed a bee line towards the supposedly crash site.

Little did (M/N) know that what he will find is the last thing he wanted to see.

Or to be more specific.

Amidst the forming chaos on the road, he didn't expect someone whom he'd rather not see would see him.

"K-K..."

 


	5. A Trip to Happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (M/N) is back in Japan and someone's there to see him. On the other hand, will Kei be able to talk with his love even after all he's done?
> 
> The finale has come.

* * *

_They say..._

_'Distance makes the heart grow fonder.'_

_They also say..._

_'Appreciate what you have before it turns into what you had.'_

_I would admit they sound tacky._

_Yet._

_No one said they were false._

* * *

(M/N) was simply curious to see what was causing the long queue of private and public transports in the middle of the road late at night. Along with passengers from other cars, he walked towards the front of the line, until someone stopped him from his tracks.

Amidst the crowd, the (H/C)-haired lad was surely caught unexpected by what happened next. An arm grabbed his own and it wasn't just an ordinary arm of a stranger. It's an arm he felt highly familiar with.

"(M/N)!"

"K-Kou-senpai!"

"(M/N)!"

"Kou-senpai!"

"(M/N)!"

"Kou-senpai!"

"(M-)!"

A pair of palms swiftly covered the hyperactive guy's mouth before he was able to finish his side of the loop.

"W-What are you doing here? I thought you're already abroad?" Asked (M/N) as he slowly removed his hands.

"I missed my dear Japan, of course," happily responded the male, slightly bouncing with joy, "How about you?"

"I just arrived from vacation."

The older male eyed the other, sceptical. "This time of year?"

"Look who's talking," (M/N) playfully hit the older male's shoulder, "We all do unexpected things from time to time."

"Oh, yeah! Speaking of unexpected. Wait here." Before the younger one was able to respond, Bokuto Koutarou jetted away, probably returning to his ridden vehicle.

Among all the friends his former lover has, aside from Dashi, (M/N) enjoys the company of the hyperactive and former captain of his own high school volleyball team. Although they only met by chance, that meeting was enough for Koutarou to feel a sense of fellowship towards the young non-player.

As (M/N) turned towards the front, highly curious of what the cause of the traffic is, Koutarou was rushing towards his friend with a box of sorts on one hand and his phone on another. He yelled across the distance, surprising the previously shocked male.

* * *

_I should've expected that._

The moment I turned my back, Kou-senpai was running not like someone his age, but like someone on a sugar rush. What would you expect? On one hand, he was holding his phone. On the other, a black box.

Well, looks like it.

"(M/N)! (M/N)!" Senpai stopped in front of me, jumping like a wee schoolchild.

The energetic man, with two hands, turned over the box to me. "This is for you! It's full of sweets! I hope you enjoy!"

Accepting the souvenir before responding, Senpai cut me off. "And one more thing."

"Hm?"

He pointed his right finger to the left side of the road. As I followed, I saw the last person I'd expect to see that night.

Apart from his slightly crooked glasses, Kei was wearing nothing but his work clothes. Standing between the gap of two other cars, I saw he had the complete set. Right there and then, the idea that Kei just came from work entered my mind.

The rivers of sweat that came flowing down his cheeks as droplets fell on the floor, the blonde's irregular breathing as he tried to take in precious oxygen while his hands pressed on his legs was not enough to get me out of my shock. A shock that prevented me from hearing the rest of Senpai's sentences.

Until he shook me violently.

"(M/N)!"

I couldn't process what to say back then. How could I?

My mind went into shutdown mode.

"I-I heard that you and Kei-chan are fighting," Senpai said with sadness in the tone. As I tried to pull my senses back, I noticed that the usually active senior was looking very sad, like a puppy kicked out under the rain. "I-I don't want two of my dearest kouhais to not talk anymore, so..."

"I-Is it okay for me to ask the two of you to talk things over?"

"S-Senpai..."

"Please?"

At that moment, I thought that everything was happening way faster than they should. Of all people to be involved with our fight, it had to be Kou-senpai, someone who was even out of the country to begin with.

I looked at Senpai, conflicted, but he looked way more affected than he should have. With his head tilted down, his lips sullen, his eyes looking like dams about to burst, I simply sighed inside my head and conceited defeat.

"Okay, okay, Senpai. I'll try to consider that."

Despite that, Senpai still seem discontented.

"J-Just consider?"

"Fine. I'll talk with hi–"

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

It was clear that Kou-senpai was very glad to hear that. So glad that he was squeezing the daylights out of me with his hug. If I wasn't able to pat on his back repeatedly, I may have been sent to the ER at that point.

After he let go of me, with the smile on his face still in place, he rushed to where Kei was and pulled him towards me. He then excused himself once some car engines started to run.

Before Kei was able to utter a word, I simply shut him up, placing a finger in front of my lips as command. I didn't bother looking at his usually smug face. Thinking he got the idea, I proceeded to what Ukai-nii told me and waited at the side of the road, Kei obediently standing to my right.

While waiting for our car, there were many times Kei wanted to talk to me, but I simply stared across the other side of the highway, not budging a bit despite hearing is obvious depression.

I didn't care at that point.

I didn't want to disappoint Kou-senpai, but this came in like a speeding truck. It didn't give me time to even react, and if it did, do you think a measly five-second wait would be enough?

I felt my right sleeve was being tugged but I paid it no heed. I waited for Ukai-nii. And when they arrived, oh boy, were he and Dashi in for a shock.

* * *

The atmosphere inside the car was too thick, a knife can cut through it.While the front wasn't that nerve-wracking, I felt through the messages I've been receiving that Dashi was slightly suffocating behind me. Kei was sitting beside him, after all.

If I were a bitter person, I could've thrown caution into the wind and, like what a Gatling gun would do, start shooting words at them nonstop. But, I didn't have the heart to do that – not to Dashi anymore anyway.

Only Ukai-nii was the one initiating the talks inside the vehicle. Either Dashi and I answer, but the fourth passenger simply said no words. As the car turned around to a familiar corner, I turned back to talk to Dashi.

If only the situation wasn't a serious one in book, I could've...

"Ukai-nii will drive you to your place, k, Dashi?"

The freckled male looked at me with surprise. "H-Huh?"

"Don't 'huh' me. Why do you think we're in a car? I'm not letting you walk into your place in this time of night. Let Nii-chan drive you there."

"B-But"

"No buts, but yours in here until you arrive at your stop. Am I clear, Dashi?"

Dashi didn't seem to want to argue any longer; he simply nodded in agreement before I playfully played with his hair.

The moment the car stopped in front of my own apartment building, I thanked Ukai-nii and told him I'll contact him at a later time regarding the reunion. As for Dashi, I reassured him through a whisper that everything would be alright.

Meanwhile, Kei uttered a shy 'thanks' to the driver as he uncharacteristically left the vehicle in a timid way. I recited a few words myself before exiting the car from the other side and pulling out my luggage from the boot of the vehicle.

Kei tried to come close and offered his help but I paid him no mind and took a hold of my stuff before entering the building entrance.

* * *

"Oi. Tsukishima."

While looking at (M/N)'s shrinking figure, Ukai-san called me out from his car. With his window rolled down, he poked his head out of the vehicle and was looking at me firmly.

"Whatever pushed you to do those horrid things may not really be my business, but (M/N) isn't someone who deserved to experience those things. For you to actually show your face after all that you've done, you really have no shame, huh."

I couldn't respond.

It's true that ghastly deeds were done and I did a lot of them under broad daylight. However, I realized that what I did shouldn't have happened. I was a fool to even think that I wouldn't get what I deserved. It ate me from the inside-out; I couldn't bare it any longer.

"That said..."

I raised my eyes towards Ukai-san after having received arrows of guilt.

"Knowing you since back then, for you to show your face also means that you have something to do. I won't stop you here, but..."

"This better be the last time I hear (M/N) crying because of you. Is that clear?"

Of course, I don't want (M/N) to cry anymore. Not after how I saw him as he left me that day. Sure, he did not shed a tear back then. But what he looked like felt it was ten times worse.

Balling my hands into fists, I gathered all the courage I have in my veins and gave a strong 'Yes' to the driver. What I did not expect is the window from the back seat rolling down, Yamaguchi popping his head after.

"T-Tsukki."

He sounded strangely collected.

"I hope you can get (M/N) back. I'm sure you can."

I didn't think that Yamaguchi of all people would encourage me after all that has transpired. Giving me a toothy grin and a thumbs up, I replied with my own approve sign.

"We better go now. Good luck."

Ukai-san went back in and was followed by Yamaguchi. After both windows rolled back up, the engine started running and the car left me alone in front of (M/N)'s apartment building.

_I can do this._

_I have to do this._

* * *

"What I said back then also applied to you, Yamaguchi."

"O-Of course, Ukai-san!" _I expected them to be, after all._

I reflected a lot back then at the island. (M/N) didn't deserve to feel such negative emotions. He never did anything wrong, yet he was punished. And despite all that I did, he still accepted me and willingly chose to stay close to me.

No one should be that kind.

But he is.

He deserves some happiness.

"Back then at the island, (M/N) never blamed me for what happened. Instead, he pinned all the blame on himself. He thought he didn't provide enough to Tsukki and, because of that, was left behind. He turned to himself and shamed himself for something I was the culprit of."

"I don't want someone like (M/N) to cry like that ever again. Not throwing any blame at me was kind enough of him, but depreciating himself was not what I wanted to witness. Tsukki still loves him despite what we've done. I'm sure (M/N) still loves him, as well. I hope they can be together again."

"Are you okay with that?"

"Yes."

"It would mean a whole lot for me."

* * *

Turning his key to the right, he finally came back to his humble abode after days of travel. Since he just arrived from vacation, one would expect him to immediately relax by sitting on a couch or lying down on his bed.

But, for that day, that wasn't the case.

He left the main door open, expecting someone to follow him soon after. The luggage he brought with him was simply put beside the wall and the rucksack previously on his back was thrown inside his sleeping quarters.

He sat on a kitchen stool, propping his elbow on the kitchen counter with his chin resting on his palm while seeming collected. His foot swung like a metronome, calming his nerves with every swing.

A few moments later, a thud of footsteps came closer. It originated from the genkan and became more noticeable every second thereafter. After five seconds, Kei was finally in front of his ex-lover.

And unlike their previous meeting, where the blonde was looking nowhere but his own two feet, his eyes were straight at (M/N). The former athlete looked at the other male in the room with depression and guilt and parted his lips as he started to talk.

Until he was cut off.

"You have three minutes, Tsukishima," what the blonde heard shot him hard.

Never did he expect that the love of his life called him not by his nickname, but by his birthname, as if they weren't connected at all. Tsukishima flinched mentally but did not want to show it.

"(M-M/N), I-I..."

The man on the stool simply stood up and turned his back, getting himself a glass of water, not caring nor minding the stuttering mess in his kitchen.

"I..."

"Oh, look. There's two minutes lef–"

"I'm sorry!"

(M/N) did not falter, his back still facing his ex-lover. With one hand on the glass of water, he remained calm and waited for the rest of the outburst.

"I-I know what I did was wrong. I was a fool to think of doing something like that. I should've never even..."

"One minute and thirty seconds left."

"I was drunk with lust and desire that I was blinded. To make things worse, I went somewhere else to relieve myself and enjoy. I really shouldn't have done that. (M/N), I still love you. I really do. I'm really sorry for everything that you experienced."

The usually emotionless and sarcastic Kei was completely out of himself. His eyes were gleaming with tears, his breathing irregular, and his face shattered. He didn't want to agitate (M/N), so he stayed in his spot, unmoving but desperate.

On the other hand, (M/N) was wearing the mask of the soulless. His standing figure did not budge one inch. His hand still around the glass of water he is yet to drink. To top it off, his facial expressions seemed to be uninterested with what was going on.

Though Kei did not want to anger (M/N) any more than he did, he tried to close the gap. But as one thud from his step resonated, (M/N) simply shouted the remaining time.

"Last minute. Make this count."

"(M/N). After all this time, I still want you back. I really do. I want to grow old with you. I want to watch the cherry blossoms bloom every Spring with you. I want my annual Hatsumode to be with you. Nothing but you. (M/N). I... I..."

"You should have thought of those things when you were enjoying rampaging inside Dashi."

Kei did not expect the other to respond. But when he did, he knew it was full of hate.

It was full of hate.

The blonde dared not to speak back and closed his mouth. (M/N), on the other hand, did not.

"Dashi told me his side of the story back abroad. I should've been more aware of my surroundings. If I were, this whole fiasco shouldn't have happened."

The male with the glass took a deep breath in, closed his eyes to maintain clearness of mind, and exhaled in one go.

"If I was more alert with what was going on, I shouldn't have even confessed to you back then. Dashi loved you. He still does. From anyone else's perspective, I'm an outsider to the two of you. There was no space for me to squeeze in. I have been nothing but a nuisance all this time."

Kei was taken aback by the unexpected choice of words. He knew (M/N) did nothing wrong, but, instead, he was pinning the blame on himself, not on the same person who wronged him. Before Kei can rebut, (M/N) turned around and did what Kei didn't want his ex-lover to do.

Holding the glass of water with two hands, (M/N) lowered his back in one, slow, smooth motion. The standing male was a deer caught in the headlights in front of the love of his life.

_(M/N)..._

_W-What the..._

"I deeply apologise for the years you wasted with someone like me. I know now that I will never be enough for someone like you. I should have realised that a long time ago. If it wasn't for this entire ordeal, I would have remained blinded all this time. Thank you for opening my eyes. If it would make you feel any better, feel free to forget everything about me. You can take out every piece of object in this place that belongs to you. You can throw them outside as well if you want. And don't you worry. After all of this, I'll look for a different place. Somewhere far that I won't be disturbing you or your future lovers, be it Dashi or someone else."

At that point, (M/N) was already pushing himself to utter completely clear words. His tears were welling up, his nose red, his breathing impaired.

"(M-M/N)... It's not that..."

The flabbergasted male immediately knew what was going on. After years of being with his currently shattered half, Kei knew that (M/N) has a habit of declaring disparaging statements of himself and, to him, this was worse than the others he witnessed in the past.

Usually happy and carefree, Kei didn't expect to trigger the worst possible trait (M/N) possesses – self-depreciation.

"I'm so ashamed of being myself. I'm..." Without himself knowing, (M/N)'s grip on the glass was faltering. He was shaking the glass in quite a wild way that the contents were dripping.

"I'm sorry for being a blight in your life."

Kei couldn't handle it anymore. Quickly pacing himself away from the formed puddles on the floor, the blonde rushed to straighten (M/N) up and wrapped him with his own arms.

It was Kei who destroyed their relationship. It was Kei who went to dive into a different pool.

Yet, (M/N) was apologising to him.

Sure, he also expressed his regrets, but, in Kei's mind, his own words simply entered (M/N)'s one ear and easily exited through the other. To himself, it was clear that (M/N) obviously took all the blame, even those supposedly for his own.

Disregarding the lump of fragile object between them, Kei tightened his hug around the still shaking ex-lover. He wasn't minding the forming dampness on his shoulder. May them be tears or snot, he didn't give a shit any longer.

His (M/N) was breaking himself.

"Y-You dope. Why are you apologising? Shouldn't it be me who should be saying that? It was me who fucked everything up. You did nothing wrong. You loved me with all you can. I shouldn't have taken you for granted. I-I'm sorry, (M/N)." The blonde pressed himself more around (M/N).

On the other hand, (M/N) continued to fare worse visually. His eyes now swollen red like a tomato, his nose flowing like a stream. His breathing became more challenged. Unlike his calm composure previously, (M/N) could barely breath regularly at that point, grasping every air that he could.

Kei unraveled his arms and grabbed (M/N) by the shoulder. He pushed himself a few inches away to see the wreck his love has become. His heart stung upon glancing at how (M/N) looked.

Sure, they had fought in the past.

But the calibre of those couldn't compare at the slightest to what was going on.

He shattered (M/N).

And he instantly wished to repair everything.

The blonde took a hold of the glass first, carefully placing it on the nearby counter, and held (M/N)'s now open hands with one hand. The other dug into his pocket and grabbed a handkerchief.

"Let me say this now before anything else. You are not a blight to my existence. You never were," Kei shifted from wiping one cheek to the other. "Again. It was me who did you wrong. You failed in nothing. Rather, I failed you. I failed as a lover. I failed as a human. I came here to apologise to the meaning of my life, not to make him cry more than he should."

Kei tried to wipe the other's nose, clean but (M/N) took the handkerchief away and did it himself.  

"After all that's happened, I fail to see why or how that would occur, Tsukishima."

Tears still crept out of (M/N)'s eyes. This time, Kei carefully scooped the tear with his finger, his sad eyes aimed at (M/N)'s.

"I'm really (M/N)," responded Kei with a kiss on the other's forehead, "I messed up big time. I hope you would let me correct it."

The homeowner didn't utter a word, still trying to regulate his breathing. At that point, it was already way beyond do-or-die for Kei. Whatever the response his love would be will either end his five-year relationship or renew it.

That is, if Kei was able to persuade his damaged half.

The other male took a deep breath in, one hand cupping the other holding the soiled handkerchief, and released the intake. Gathering the remaining strength he had in his being, (M/N) braced himself and diverted his own (E/C) orbs towards the person whom he loved.

"In that case," the male sloppily wiped his nose once more, "if you are really that dedicated to waste the rest of your life with someone like me, the–"

"Before you finish that, I would remind you again and again that don't say something like that," Kei, who swiftly embraced the other male, smoothly played with the other's hair. "I don't want to hear someone I really care about call themselves 'blight' or some shit like that. And I'll make sure from here on out that you'd not utter anything similar ever again."

"Dare to stop me, Tsukishima."

"I'll do it. Don't you think I'll forget this promise, (M/N)."

* * *

It has been quite a bumpy ride, to be honest.

After that day, Kei and I got back together and he even decided to move in with me after a few days. I got to make him be normal with Dashi as well. Both were hesitant back then, but, thankfully, both ends met and we still are friends. Unfortunately, Dashi had to go back to Miyagi because of his parents' medical problems, so we rarely have time to hang out.

As for Kei, he still sticks to his word. Every time I had an attack in the past, he drops what he does and comforts me, soothes me with words, and embrace me as if I were fragile. Even when he is at work, he would leave the office and talk to me via phone. Kuroo-senpai got angry with this back then, but Kei put down his foot and, now, his superior leaves him be – on the condition that Kei doesn't neglect his work nor the quality of his work be not affected.

Kei has become so caring, despite his still unemotional outer layer, that he surprised me when I visited the Ukai Family reunion a few months back. He and Ukai-nii hosted some games wherein Kei was always with me. He even bravely and formally introduced himself to the rest of the Ukais as my lover. Sure, that was unexpected, but he didn't budge at all.

We had some conflicts in the past and I'm sure there are more to come in the near and distant future. But Kei plays our possible troubles are spices of our love and simply disregards them.

I think it was a good decision for me to give him another chance. In addition, I think it was a great decision that I went on that trip overseas because if I didn't...

I would have lost the best thing that came into my life.  


	6. Poll

I'm planning on making a spin-off, focusing on Tadashi. Is anyone interested? 


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